Road Trip

Destination: Greensboro, NC
Travel time: 3 hours
Departure time: 6 a.m.
Departure beverage: black coffee
Road food: pumpkin spice muffins and Goldfish
Friend I'm meeting: Courtnee from William and Mary
Agenda: talking and talking and walking, maybe a pedicure, dining, and talking.
Road listening: 3 This American Life episodes I've saved
Kids in the backseat: 0
Who's in charge at home: Mario and his dad
Reading material: the last few chapters of I Thought There'd Be Cake
Packed stuff: 1 pr. jeans, 2 shirts, 1 pr. undies, bra, bottle of wine, pj's, and toiletries. It feels awesome to be travelling so light. Oh, and the breast pump. Maybe that's not so light after all.
People to try calling: Lola, Joe, and my parents.

Late breaking news from Mario.

Gas tank: empty.

Zoo Girls

Thursday afternoons are for trips to the zoo. The place is empty and girls can run and shriek at full speed and top volume.

They had free reign to climb on all of the statues together. Or "ride' the animals as Clare proclaimed.

They dined on animal crackers (a bit sadistic I know) and played games with them before biting their heads off.

And got drenched while milking the cow in the barn. Our visit and the weather provided all of the elements required for a good afternoon. The Mamas were happy strolling behind them with siblings while talking. So much better than being frustrated at home.

Today Holds

: : A visit to RCPL to pick up books on hold.

: : A run to Publix to use some coupons up before they expire tomorrow.

: : A visit from Grandpa Mario.

: : Roasted pork loin for dinner.

: : Lots of laundry to wash all of Clare's favorite pink clothes. She only wears pink. Occasionally purple but mostly pink.

: : Packing Mama's bags for a girl's weekend in Greensboro, NC with Courtnee.

: : Going to the post office. I'm ready to buy a postage scale to avoid the awful reality of bringing toddlers into the post office way too often.

: : Letter writing to Andrea.

: : Paint. Clare wants to paint a picture for Grandpa Mario and we haven't busted out the paints in a very long time around here. It's time to get messy again.

Last night at bed time.

Clare: Wesley has a penis.
Mario: Yes.
Clare: Do you have a penis daddy?
Mario: Yes.
Clare: Do I have a penis?
Mario: No.
Clare: What's it for?
Mario: To go pee pee.
Clare: How do girls go pee pee?
Mario: GWEN!!!! COME IN HERE NOW.

Mario: Clare wants to know how girls go pee pee.
Mama: We have a urethra.
Clare: Oh.
Mama: You also have a vagina. Can you say vagina?
Clare: Bagina.

Clare: Where does the poo poo come from?
Mama: Your anus. Can you say anus?
Clare: AAAnus.
Mama: Wesley has an anus too. And so does Daddy and so does Mommy.
Clare: Oh.

I think that about covers it for now. The girl pee pee thing was a bit confusing but we loved how she just digested it and said 'oh' like she totally understood. Maybe we need to break out the diagrams. Any other thoughts on the girl pee thing or what it to call it?

What's That?

**Especially for Uncle Joe.**

In the bathtub. Thursday night.

Clare: What's on Wesley's bottom?
Mama: What?
Clare: That (pointing right at it.)
Mama: That's Wesley's penis.
Clare: Oh.

Today. While changing Wesley's diaper.

Clare: What's that?
Mama: That's Wesley's penis.
Clare: Why does he have it?
Mama: To go pee pee and because he's a boy.
Clare: Oh.

So now she knows. I'm kind of surprised it took so long for her to say something. And special thanks to those that have blazed this path before me making the answers so much easier to give.

Better now.

Things are better now. My coping mechanisms: crying, a time out for mama on the back deck, a call to a friend, blogging it, getting BOTH kids out of the house post-nap, Mama margaritas with Maria and ice cream for the kids at San Jose.

Some days are just really hard and I don't feel like I've got the tools available to make it through. Especially between 3 and 6 p.m. Those hours are really challenging for me even on good days. My energy supply is usually waning at that time and I resort to 'yes' zones for the kids. We spend many afternoons at the zoo/edventure/the state museum just because they are easy to navigate with toddlers and a tired mama. And sometimes we load up in the car to go for a drive around town without a particular destination (well, maybe Starbucks in Northeast) in mind.

Lately I am trying to figure out how to rebuild my energy supply. I am going to bed earlier, cutting out evening reading, going to a weekly Yoga class, eating nuts, taking Emergen-C in the afternoons, consuming vast amounts of coffee in the morning, having more sex, and spending less time on the Internet. I'm hoping that some of these will give me the superpower I need to fuel through afternoons.

I'm also spending less time doing projects. I miss the creative parts but noticed that having so many things going at one time really scattered me more than the benefits of the activity itself. For now I'm staying out of Hobby Lobby and am more focused on trying to make our daily life easier.

How do you stay energized through each afternoon?

I can only think to eat chocolate

I'm in the midst of the nap from hell. Yelling. Screaming. Tears. Not staying in her room. Locked doors. Gates. Sobbing. Betrayal. Timers. Blankie removal. Hurt feelings. Did I mention the screaming?

The only thing I can claim as a victory is that she did not leave her room. And thank goodness for the foresight to put Wesley in the front tangerine room for his nap.

My choices are: alcohol or chocolate. Both are very tempting right now.

Today I

:: got over being shy and called a new mama friend for a last minute coffee and toast date this morning at the Gourmet Shop. She accepted the invitation and we had a wonderful visit.

:: wrote in my journal and drank a cup of earl grey tea instead of grocery shopping.

:: picked up the kids from pre-school.

:: went to lunch at Zoe's with Clare's school friends.

:: cleaned out the master bathroom drawers and cabinets. I came up with 2 bags of trash and 1 bag of donate stuff.

:: discovered I had 22 pairs of underwear in the drawer not including whatever is in the massive laundry pile. Decided to purge down to 10.

:: cleaned out my sock drawer and parted with some socks I bought in India but never got around to wearing. Wool socks and SC are not a great combination.

:: made muffins with Clare.

:: set the kids up to play with Play-Doh so I could use the computer for a few minutes.

:: planned our dinner and prepped it. Sausage, beans and tomatoes over polenta slices.

:: sent two packages and one letter out into the world.

:: did not shower. Yet.

:: lost my temper once during the so-called nap.

:: found all of the supplies to start painting the master bedroom.

:: just explained to Clare and Wesley that Play-Doh does not go in hair. Mario can complete that lesson tonight at bath time.

:: called one more pre-school in the hopes of finding a reasonable 3-day program for Fall 2009.

Respite

This weekend we took a long overdue trip to St. Simons Island to refresh and restore ourselves. Though already planned, the trip felt totally necessary after I walked into Wesley's bedroom on Thursday morning to find him diaperless and covered in poop. And the crip covered in poop, and his hair, and the sheets, and the blankets. I know it happens to everyone at some point but it still was pretty stinky and nasty especially when the poop ended up all over me too. By 2:00 p.m. on Thursday I was offiically DONE.


When I first lived on the island in 1997 I took loooong walks alone. Later when we adopted Bailey I envisioned long walks with him him too...only to discover that he was not such a fan of my trips. And then when babies arrived I envisioned long strolls and jogs with the jogger on my old routes. Ha.


So this weekend I indulged in my idea of ultimate luxury. An hour and a half with music, my running shoes, and a gorgeous sunny 70 degree afternoon restored my senses. Friday afternoons are made for walking to the beach, on the beach, and visiting with friends. I really want walk more often and made a point of doing it again today. My personal challenge: do it here at home when Mario gets home or before he leaves in the morning.


Our trip this weekend makes me look forward to spring at the beach. We spent most of our time playing at playgrounds, romping at the beach, reading stories in nooks, riding bikes, visiting our favorite breakfast places, and enjoying the off season. The spring and fall are the best times of the year to be on the island but Mario and I have a special fondness for the real off season. Most everything is truly local.

Oh. And a special thanks to this little man for sleeping in until 5:30 on Friday morning! 5:30 on Saturday morning! 6:00 today! Let's see if we can keep that up here so Mama can keep that aura of island calm for a few more days.

30 minute crayon craft

1. Take crayons and peel them. It's best to keep the washable ones out of the mix if you can but not necessary b/c they tend to form a small layer of clear wax on top. Load them up in muffin tins lined with paper liners.2. Bake at 275 degrees for 10-15 minutes. Watch to ensure that everything is going okay. Set a timer for impatient crayon cookers.

3. Place tray in the freezer for about 10 minutes till the wax firms. Remove from paper liners and enjoy! Great for little hands and they don't break when dropped from the kitchen table.

Susan made a set too! See hers here with groovy pictures of the process. I just discovered that Clare pronounces crayon as crown. Not sure where that one came from.

Tired.

I was awake last night from 11:45 p.m. (Wesley's first wake up) until 3:30 a.m. I can't seem to fall back asleep after he wakes me up even though Mario is the one handling the situation.

12:15 a.m. Cry, cry, THUD. Wesley in all of his fury managed to leap out of his crib. I'm hoping that he doesn't remember how he did it and it doesn't become a pattern. I don't even have a plan for the big boy bed yet.

I have this vision of waking up early and having a bit of alone time before the rest of the household rises. Time to drink coffee, journal, go for a walk, and to just be ready. To turn the day on inside of my head. But until I get a lot more sleep I don't think that will be happening.

In the meantime I am thankful for:

• Nacho Cheese Doritos
• Play dates with friends
• Mama coffee chats on weeknights
• MLS
• mini muffin tins
• pink icing
• encouraging emails from friends
• Wednesday morning yoga

Hair

Mario: I think he needs a hair cut.

Me: I can't hear you.

Inauguration Lunch

Mario came home to watch the inauguration with us today. My favorite part came when Mario explained to both Wesley and Clare that they could be president one day too. How wonderful it is to be able to say that to both of our children. Once upon a time I can remember standing in rose bushes outside of the National Theater with Geoff and Deborah on Inauguration Day 1993. Good memories then and totally different good memories today. Thanks to Sarah we had the best inauguration lunch: smashed chickpea salad wraps. Even without olives and red onion (I used yellow) these rocked. Go home and make them today.

My overall feeling this afternoon post-swearing in: relief. And my next feeling: hope.

Yesterday

One of the many reasons I was really looking forward to pre-school drop off this morning. They should make a rule: if school is closed the Daddy folk have to stay home.

On Sleeping.

Or not. I wonder if some of the funk I'm feeling is related to not really sleeping through the night in a long while. Mario is a saint and actually gets up and tends to Wesley but 99% of the time I'm technically awake too waiting for the crying to stop so that I can try and go back to sleep too.

Today Wesley is 18 months old! And that means that we have spent 18 months together bonded nursing, 18 months in cloth diapers, 18 months without sleeping, and 18 months marvelling at this healthy little man living in our home.

Thank you for all of the sleep suggestions...I want to report that it is getting better. We're vigilant about Motrin for his little teeth that are peeping just under the gums, we are only at a few wake ups each evening versus every 20 minutes, we are using soothing music, Clare is not waking up at his screaming, and each night we go to bed ourselves hopeful that maybe tonight will be the night.

And because some baby book page that I may or may not fill in soon will ask:
Height: 33 inches
Weight: 27 1/4 pounds
Words: Nonny!, Daddy, Ca, Dawg, Bottle, Ba, Car, Go, Waffle
Events: The inaugeration of Barack Obama and snow in Columbia.
School: 2 mornings a week 9-12 a.m.
Favorites: Clare, coloring, dancing, balls
Hand signs: Nurse Nurse, Please, Thank-you, More
Foods: Lentils, soy yogurt, pizza sans cheese, pasta, and anything that adults are eating.
Sleep: Bedtime: 7:30 p.m., 1 nap, and Wake time: 7 a.m.* (*see above entry)

This Morning

The view from my side of the bed this morning. A dusting of snow on the neighbor's house = no school, a 2 hour delay for Mario, and mandatory outside play at 8:00 a.m.

Mario made a perfect snowball for Clare. She wanted more but we ran out of snow.

My daffodills got a sprinkle of snow too. I should probably go out and clip them since the temperatures are now definately below freezing and they'll wilt soon anyhow. (They've been up and gorgeous for about 2 weeks now.)
Clare enjoyed warm chocolate milk with marshmallows..not hot chocolate because she doesn't like hot chocolate, just warm chocolate milk.

Where's the shower Mommy?

This morning we went to Lowe's to check out a new shower. We keep thinking that if we sell our house to move to a better school district to avoid paying ridiculous prices for average private schools that we will need to replace the shower in the master bedroom.

So that brought us to the plumbing section checking out corner showers. We identified the right one to replace ours, picked out a brochure, priced it, and grabbed Clare a pink paint sample on the way out.

The kids had a hoot at Lowe's. "Look Mommy: potties!!! And bathtubs!" All vocalized in a very loud three year old voice. And they tried out every single stall shower they could climb in and out of while cackling and slamming shower doors.

We thought we were done with the shower situation. Clare thought otherwise. The entire way home we heard "Where's the new shower Mommy?" and "Where's the new shower Mommy?" and "Where's the new shower Mommy?" until we thought we might go mad. No explanation stopped the question so we changed our story to something like this: there is nothing wrong with the shower, we are not getting a new shower, our shower is great, and would you like Mommy to show you the pink (actually, mauve) stripes on the shower?

Clare: There's PINK on your shower? I love pink. Pink and purple are my favorites.
Mario: Would you like Mommy to show you the pink on the shower?
Clare: Yes. I love pink.

10 minutes later.

"Where's the new shower Mommy?"

26 degrees

Location: Riverbanks Botanical Gardens
Time: 9:05 a.m.
Date: 1/17/2009
Temperature: 26 degrees


Yup. A visit to the Botanical Gardens to fulfill Clare's desire to go to the Big Garden! She's been asking for days to go so yesterday morning we bundled up and took a family outing.

Let's just say it was a very short trip to the gardens but lovely too. The fountains ran creating gorgeous ice formations on surrounding grasses and greenery. I wish I'd had my camera with me to capture the icicles and frosty goodness. The brochures in the visitors center said that January was a great time to visit for a lesson in texture.

We may return on another frosty morning this week just for fun. This time I'll remember 1. gloves, 2. the stroller (because lugging children by hand is just painful after a few minutes), and 3. my camera.

Right Now: 1:35 p.m.

--I can hear the dog in the bathroom going through the trash can looking for something disgusting to eat.

--My children are in bed for 'rest' time but only one is actually resting.

--I am eating a box of Jelly Belly's that I found in my stocking Christmas morning. I wonder if anyone really likes the buttered popcorn jelly beans or if they put them in as fillers.

--My heart still aches from watching Wesley get FOUR shots this morning at the pediatrician's office even though he's the second child and I thought I was over that by now.

--My insurance company has finally agreed that I do have benefits after FIVE days of repeated phone calls inquiring about benefits. Now I'm scared to use them because I'm sure that some day it can and will be used against me.

--I do not have my shit together.

--My kitchen looks like it blew up for lunch today and I didn't even use the stove. Nobody ate anything (unless you can count pickles) for lunch.

--My kids are healthy. Clare is 37 and 3/4 inches tall (50%) and weighs 32.5 pounds (50%). Wesley is 33 inches tall (75%) and weighs 27 1/4 pounds (75%). His head circumference is 19.5 inches (90%).

--I am looking forward to a mama date tonight with a friend for micro brews at the Hunter Gatherer and seeing SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK at the Nickelodeon.

--Our household is still sleep deprived but working on the issue at hand.

20 things I'm grateful for

1. My family.
2. Our little yellow house.
3. Napping babies.
4. Memberships.
5. Notes in the mail.
6. New yoga classes.
7. My crock pot.
8. Hot showers.
9. Yarn and knitting needles.
10. New friendships.
11. Girls Night Outs and brunches with friends.
12. Lap quilts.
13. Lower gas prices.
14. www.pandora.com
15. My new iPod shuffle.
16. Lavender heat wraps.
17. Birdseed.
18. The public library.
19. Sleep.
20. Family lunches together.

4 a.m. party at our house

Looking for any and all advice on teaching 18 month olds how to self soothe to sleep through the night. After another 4 a.m. cracker extravaganza in our kitchen Mario and I are open to any and all suggestions. Reading material welcome.

Problem: repeated night waking.
Methods tried: nursing, eating, sippy cups, soothing with music, back rubbing, ignoring, lovey, Motrin, and bed sharing.
Results: Wesley will fall back asleep but then wake up again 20-50 minutes later.
Location: Wesley's crib right across the hall from Clare's room and our room.

How big is your world?

On the first day of school Clare's pre-school teachers sent home welcome notes, snack schedules, and introductions for parents. One of the teachers wrote that she was eager to teach our children about the "big, big world that they live in." Secretly I've liked that teacher more just because of the simple way she explained her job to me.

My little brother and I grew up in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. I lived there from 6 months old until I left for college. During that time my father did an amazing job exposing us to the world we lived in. He would drive us downtown to see the Potomac River flood, to run through museums while he waited in the car, to ice skate near national monuments, and sometimes just to drive around and feel connected. I blame my political junkie side on living and playing in Washington, D.C. But after an afternoon playing on the senate subway system or seeing my father cry at the Vietnam Memorial my heart always beat faster. At nightfall not only did I feel more alive, but my world was bigger.

Tonight I talked to my dad about the usual things that we talk about. He updated me on the inauguration chaos, what streets are blocked off, where the Obama's are staying (the Hay Adams), and what gas prices are right now. And then he mentioned that he took a drive downtown to buy a lottery ticket and spent some time wandering around. He drove by the zoo, wondered where people parked, toured the mall, and three hours later headed home.

I love that my dad just gets and the car and goes. I love that we would drive around and around looking at the city behind his car windows sipping Slurpees, that he would read us the signs to all of the buildings so we could create an internal map of the city in our hearts. He went further than the suburban attractions and consistently took us into the city so that we could know more about how government worked, what sheets of money look like, where exactly Dorothy's ruby slippers were, how big dinosaurs really are, and what a moon rock feels like under your own fingertips.

I hope I can give Clare and Wesley a smidgen of what my dad gave me. It was really good to hear tonight that he was out and about exploring and soaking up the big, big world that we live in.

Moving up

After our trip to the zoo this morning we toyed with the idea of lunch out.

Taco Bell topped Mario's list. The chicken store topped Clare's list. Di Prato's topped mama's list.

We rolled the dice and went with Di Prato's**. The outcome amazed us. Not only did our children eat but we enjoyed a great meal out together without a chicken nugget in site!

Meal time around our house is usually torture. Wesley can't eat dairy and won't touch a chicken nugget. Clare only eats when the wind blows certain ways. Occasionally they surprise us by eating bowls of pickles but mostly we offer lots of things which are rejected.

Unless we offer blueberry cakes that they help make. Those they devour and won't leave sight the toaster oven where they are baking. We may be starting a new experiment on sustaining children: blueberry muffins alone.

**Did you know Di Prato's offers Saturday brunch until 1 p.m. each week?

11 days

Friday Focus: Friends

Feeding the birds yesterday afternoon on the back deck. A bit of post bar mitzvah fun on the couch before bed.

Thursday's Quandry

I have one week to decide if Mario and I are going on a tropical vacation. Cabanas, clear blue water, white sand, cocktails, sleeping in, novels to devour, dates with my husband, and quiet. The week thing is his deadline to me so that he can finalize the resort, book the trip, and line up his mother and sister to come to our house to stay with the kids.

When we first started planning this adventure I was in 100%. Wesley would be 20-21 months, Clare 3 1/2 and me 100% not pregnant. I was sure that Wesley would probably wean before the proposed trip but here we are 100% not pregnant but still nursing Wesley 4-5 (or 17 last night) times a day. We have a great nursing relationship and I love nursing him each day.

I believe in child led weaning and want weaning to be his decision. Clare weaned at 17 months on her own when I was 5 months pregnant and though I was prepared to attempt tandem nursing (I even bought a book!) I was happy with our nursing success. To make the weaning sting a bit less I went out and bought myself a 'weaning present' which wrapped the whole experience up for me on my end.

Extended breast feeding has lots of benefits for both mother and child. The only milk that Wesley drinks each day is breast milk because of his dairy allergy. And though extended nursing is not mainstream around these parts, digging around on Kellymom.com I read that "scientific research by Katherine A. Dettwyler, PhD shows that 2.5 to 7.0 years of nursing is what our children have been designed to expect (Dettwyler 1995)."

And with all of that I am struggling to decide if I want to abandon our relationship for a vacation. I suppose we could postpone till next year but I know this trip will be a good thing for our marriage. I could bring my pump along and hope that he'll return to the breast when we get back but that is a gamble too. I am just not sure I am ready to lose that bet.

2009

My dreams lately include:

• storage bins (filled and color coded)
• perfect pre-schools
• clear counter tops
• smock tops
• weekly yoga dates with myself
• more writing
• a calmer household
• daily art

Somehow the new year got here before I had a chance to sit and reflect about what I want it to be. I know I have many of the same dreams as everyone else 7 days into the year but putting them out there feels good. Our holiday run was very good but left me drained and floundering these first few days of 2009. Having two mornings to wander and think a bit while the kids soaked up routine and learned about snow at preschool made a huge difference. I'm ready 2009. Let's go! (And if we can cross any of my dreams on the list off along the way that would be bonus.)

Loving

1. Pig tails and polka dots.
2. Pantless big sister helpers.

4. Inspiring women.

4. Hand-me-downs.

New Year's Eve

1. Grampin' was in town so we all headed to the WOW! Celebration at Finlay Park. It rocked. For $10 kids could ride all of the rides they wanted, hot chocolate was $1, vendors had food available, freebies from local health care places served as souvenirs, and there was a camel you could ride! Plus bands and fireworks too.

2. Mama and Clare took to the tea cups. Mama's tummy did not take to the tea cups and she opted out of the second spin around.

3. Wesley spent his time trying not to freeze, eating popcorn, and watching Clare have a LOT of fun without him.

4. Grampin' treated us to hot chocolate to keep us warm!

5. Mario stole my heart again as he went on ride after ride with Clare. He held her little hands and kept her warm, encouraged her to be brave, and gave her lots of pep talks.

Would we go again? Yup. Get there early to avoid the lines, bring snacks galore, dress warm and prepare to have a great New Year's Eve pre-party with the kids. Though I really like how Caroline and Stephen tackled the NYE with kids...maybe that's what we can plan for next year.

Bar Mitzvah

We're back! The technicians fixed the lap top, we don't have to buy a new one, and we have it back at home. Hooray!

Saturday we attended my cousin Steven's bar mitzvah in Charlotte. Clare was amazing during the actual services thanks a large part to Bendaroos and Dum Dums that I had in my purse. Afterwards both kids turned into DJ dancing animals. They loved it. And we loved watching them.

More on our adventures later...I'm off to back up everything on this laptop. Just in case.

Blue Screen

Laptop is dead. Blue screen.
$100/hour to recover data: aka the photos I never backed up.
New computer plans are being made.
I'm hopeful to be back blogging by Sunday evening.

In the meantime we have Grampin's laptop. A trip to Charlotte planned for my cousin's barmitzvah. A visit with Aunt Mikie, Uncle Mike and Grandma Bonnie. And maybe a spin around the outdoor ice rink in Uptown.