12 Chocolate Solutions

I am addicted to sugar. The cookies at the hotel this weekend did not help my situation.

At the library on Thursday I checked out a Hungry Girl cookbook. A lot of her recipes rely on artificial sweeteners and reduced fat things which I try to avoid. While Splenda has a place in the world, most of the time I would rather eat less of something or find a better thing to eat. I just don't see the point of fat free cheese.

The recipe for these chocolate brownie muffins was 1. easy and 2. required no artificial stuff! To wean ourselves off of the cookie high I made a batch of these tonight with the idea: if they suck I can always send them in for snack at Wesley's school. 2 year olds are not picky in their chocolate cake choices and they only eat 1/2 of anything anyhow. Bonus: I got to use another cake mix from the pantry!

The result: I like them! I especially love that they are low fat, chocolaty, and kind of crunchy on top. So if you are feeling brave, wanting to sneak a healthy something into your children, or looking for a decent sweet alternative I would make a batch.

Chocolate Brownie Muffins from Hungry Girl.

1 box devils food or chocolate cake mix
1 14 oz can of pumpkin

Mix cake mix and pumpkin together. Do not add anything else. It will be thick. Spoon mix into 12 cup muffin tin and bake for 20 minutes at 400 degrees. Dust with powdered sugar if you want to make them extra pretty.

Snowy Day

Oh what fun it is to play on a snowy daaaaa-ay!

We woke up. We ate breakfast. We played outside in the snow. We went for a drive to Black Mountain. We went to Doc Chevy's for lunch in Asheville. We had rest time. We went swimming. We went treasure hunting at Goodwill. We walked to dinner at a Mexican place. We gave the kids baths. We are relaxing.

We also ate a lot of cookies and drank a lot of tea because this hotel has the blessing/curse of complementary fresh baked cookies sitting downstairs next to a display of complementary Tazo teas. We ate cookies before swimming, after dinner, during snack, and a few other times today. I'm sure we all will return to Columbia plumper for the sugar love.

It feels liberating to be somewhere with no agenda at all. We are just here having fun and hanging out together doing whatever feels right in the moment. Our laundry at home remains undone, our home improvement projects are resting, and other normal stuff is just not happening this weekend. Instead we are enjoying the stifled (sometimes) giggles of Wesley and Clare attempting to fall asleep together in the next room sharing a king sized bed.

Ordinary life can definitely wait.

Snowy Night

This is what I saw out my car window for two and half hours last night. Interstate snow on I-26W.

Thursday night Mario and I decided to add a bit of adventure to our weekend. We booked Bailey at the kennel, made reservations for a hotel suite in Asheville, NC, and packed our bags. We got out of Columbia around 4:30 p.m. and made it to our hotel at midnight.

We sat and sat and sat on the interstate with two children for hours. There were accidents everywhere, I-40 was closed, tractor trailers were just stopped in the middle of the road, cars ran out of gas, and we had to listen to an never ending loop of High School Musical tunes. I never even thought that we would be trapped on an Interstate! In our decision to head to the Western NC mountains I counted on Mario's Buffalo snow driving skills but forgot to factor in a few other things like overconfident 4 wheel drive drivers.

We finally got off of the interstate thanks to a lucky choice to evacuate the interstate in favor of a GPS alternative route and safely made it to our hotel. Cookies and tea greeted us along with a cooler of icy beverages that we brought along from Columbia.

We think there is about six inches of snow outside with additional forecasting for sleet and a wee bit more snow today. We packed 1. bathing suits and 2. snow gear. Those two things sum up our plans for the day. We came for snow. We found the snow. We are excited to go outside and enjoy the snow...and then to chase it with a dip in the hot tub. Happy Saturday!

5 Best Things Today

1. Peeking into Clare's Montessori world this morning during classroom observations.
2. Running in Melrose Heights, Shandon and Rosewood.
3. Family pizza lunch together at Dano's Pizza.
4. Finding a letter from Courtnee in the mailbox.
5. An afternoon play date with no clean up involved.

Not too shaggy.

An hour ago Mario said, "I could go for about 20 wings and a half dozen chocolate chip cookies."

The grocery list on our refrigerator has two key items to make the above request nearly impossible for me to oblige. We are out of sugar and Frank's Hot Sauce. The pantry at the beach house has plenty of each but we forgot to bring them home with us on our last visit.

However, we do have a ridiculous number of cake mixes on hand. After a few minutes on the Internet (can somebody please invent a kitchen friendly laptop/recipe finder thing?) I found a bunch of cake mix recipes. There are things I didn't even know you could do with a cake mix...but hidden among them all were many many recipes for cake mix cookies.

I picked this one. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Mix 2 eggs, 1/2 cup oil and one yellow cake mix. Add chocolate chips. Bake for 10 minutes.

Mario was skeptical, but it's hard to blame him because he has tried a lot of my pantry experiments. I delivered one cookie to him. He ate it. And another. And another. He's waiting for the next batch to come out of the oven as I write.

As my dad would say, "Not too shaggy!" I know he would be impressed if he tasted them too. I foresee many cake mix cookie experiments with bargain cake mix finds in our 2010 Grampin' adventures.

I'm not even going to tackle the hot sauce situation until I go grocery shopping. Franks cannot be duplicated. Tonight he can eat extra cookies instead.

Blue Journaling

January can make me feel dumpy. The grey skies, coldish weather, and post-holiday crash seem to gang up and push me into a sour mood more days than I'd like to admit. I know it's not that cold, that the sky is sometimes blue, and that in the big picture things are actually pretty good...but I feel what I feel.

I want to feel sparkly. Good. Quirky. Fun. And optimistic.

Last week while browsing at Barnes and Noble I ran across this journal that had a single page for each day of the year divided in 2 columns. One column on the left side of each page for 2010 and the right side is designated for 2011 so it is possible to easily compare the answers between both years. I liked the questions it asked each day because they allow wiggle room to admit a bad day but after finishing the questions they didn't leave bitter feeling about the days events.

I copied the questions down on the back of a reciept and transferred them to my own journal. A few times a week in my own journal I add a page to answer each one. They're great for jump starting an entry or for days when I don't know what to write on the page despite a strong desire to record something. I only leave 2 lines between questions to limit the answers and I think it makes it even easier to fill in the answers.

What did I do today?
What did I feel today?
What am I grateful for today?
What challenge did I face today?
How did I overcome the challenge?
What did I savor today?

The last question is my favorite. I find myself savoring more things during the day and actually noticing stuff in order to record it later on. What am I savoring? The taste and feel of brown sugar in my oatmeal, watching the clouds blowing across a 70 degree blue sky, the silky feel of Clare's hair between my fingers, and the sound of Wesley's chuckle. All good things and I'm just happy that I'm noticing them more because I have 2 lines to fill at the bottom of my journal each evening.

What are you savoring today?

Facebook Fear

I am afraid to join Facebook. Based on the history of my Internet use I am pretty sure that it will become like a drug and will suck me away from my everyday life.

It's not that I don't want to keep up with people and connect, I really do. My communication with the world seems to fall into one of these categories:

• I read your blog.
• You read my blog.
• I email on occasion.
• You email on occasion.
• I email more than on occasion.
• I write letters and send them via USPS.
• I visit.
• We go out for margaritas or coffee.
• We talk at pre-school drop off/pick up.
• I call.

Right now that's enough for me to manage. Someday I may add Facebook to the list of things that I do to keep in touch with the world. Over the past year I have worked very hard to limit my Internet screen time because it just leaves me feeling overstimulated and kind of crappy.

In the meantime you can find me on the front porch with a cup of tea, my favorite fountain pen, and a pad of paper. There's something about writing a note by hand that just makes me feel good inside. If you want to try it, send me a letter. I promise I'll write back.

A souper visit.

Tonight I am making a pot of Aunt Peggy's Curried Butternut Squash Soup. The blend of squash, apples and curry make this one of my all time favorites and I feel like Aunt Peggy is in the kitchen with me when I make it.

Aunt Peggy and I correspond by letter a few times a month. She lives in New Jersey and has an incredible life filled with faith, service projects, book clubs, friends, family, and cooking. I love writing to her. I share tidbits about daily life here in South Carolina, what books I am reading, and I ask questions about how she met some of the same kinds of challenges I face as a mother and wife. Actually, in many ways, she is a mentor to me. I admire her poise, knowledge, passion and love for her family. When I grow up, I want to be like Aunt Peggy (or at least maybe close to it!).

Anyhow, today we went to Charlotte to see our cousins and Aunt Peggy. The kids played with Jennifer and Steven and the ladies lunched. We walked up the street and bought baked goods from kids selling them to raise money for Haiti. Aunt Peggy and I escaped to Trader Joe's to buy rice milk and spelt bread for Wesley while Nancy supervised the kids. I left feeling connected to the comfort and ease of family. It was one of those visits that was so nice that I forgot to take my camera out of the van to capture it on film.

I always wish that we spent more time and lived closer to each other. However, I'm happy to have the visits we do have whenever they come along. In the meantime I have her soup and her letters.

Aunt Peggy's Curried Butternut Squash Soup

4 TBS butter
2 cups finely chopped yellow onions
5 tsp curry powder
2 med. butternut squash (3lbs.)
2 apples peeled, diced, and cored
3 cups of chicken broth (or vegetable broth)
1 cup apple juice
salt and pepper to taste

Melt butter in pot. Add chopped onions and curry powder. Cook, covered over low heat for about 25 minutes until onions are tender. Peel and dice squash (or use pre-cut frozen squash). when onions are tender, pour in the broth, add the squash and apples, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer partially covered until squash and apples are very tender. At this point use an immersion blender (or transfer to a blender in batches) to puree the soup. Return to the pot and add the apple juice until soup is of desired consistency. Season to taste with salt and pepper and heat thoroughly. Freezes well. I also like it with a scoop of sour cream or crumbled feta on top.

Neutral Witnessing

This morning I spent some time all by myself in a studio practicing a bit of yoga. I opted to skip the showers and instead added an extra five minutes at the end to just sit and be. No judging, no particular thoughts, letting things come in and out of my mind, feeling the sunlight on my right knee, and listening to my breath rise and fall. I didn't try and go anywhere during the practice or achieve any meditation goals, I just wanted to do it for five minutes.

Afterwards I hopped up, ran downstairs to grab a cup of tea, collected my gym bag from the locker room, and picked up Wesley from the nursery. It might have been the sunshine but I think that those five minutes were the most precious ones of the entire morning (next to making Wesley cackle by kissing his belly). I felt really good. Really alive. And really grounded.

Tonight as Mario and I are set up on dueling laptops I spent a few minutes reading blogs. I happily discovered a new post on my friend Penny's blog about her new personal art project. Her interpretation and artwork based on a quotation from her yoga studies nailed my experience this morning and gave me goosebumps.

Kind of makes me giddy to go back to the studio to do it all over again tomorrow.

Thinking.

• Thinking about how to study for the LMSW exam so I can actually pass and not spend a fortune.
• Thinking about what we may want to do as a family this weekend.
• Thinking about eating chocolate chip muffins.
• Thinking about how to get the kids to eat the roasted kale chips I made. The 'green potato chip' route didn't work this afternoon.
• Thinking about a lunch date for tomorrow.
• Thinking about how to spend the morning with Wesley since he's out of school.
• Thinking about the double fiber bread plus fiber supplements are rolling around in my belly.
• Thinking about the book I just read: Taking the Leap by Pema Chodron.
• Thinking about painting our master bathroom with the paint that spilled in the back of the van so long ago.
• Thinking about unloading the bikes from the back of the van.
• Thinking about making something fun from extra sweaters I've collected at Goodwill.
• Thinking about spending more time outside and maybe even running outside this weekend.

ISO: Mentor

I want a mentor. Someone to look up to, to emulate, to ask for guidance and support. Someone to bounce ideas off of, to have lunch with, to learn from. Someone that can offer motherhood insights and career jump starting know how. A strong role model.

Or maybe I already have people who can offer me all of these things? The different attributes are different pieces that may be inside many of the women I already know. Perhaps I just need to be willing to ask.

Do you have a mentor? Official or unofficial? How did you meet up and establish yourselves? If you don't have one would you like one? What would you want from your mentor?

In the spirit of putting it out there: I want to find one (but I'm not exactly sure how to get one).

Photo Girl

Simple pleasure of today: clearing out the memory on Clare's camera. There are a lot of ceiling fan pictures, feet pictures, and doll pictures that she took. I kind of liked her bathroom series. They might be cute printed out in black and white and hung in the bathroom...plus she would get a kick out seeing her photos on the wall.

Nothing special.

Tonight is very quiet. Mario is at the office working, both kids are sleeping, the washing machine is silent and Bailey is snoozing underneath his blanket. I have a stack of library books next to me and a mug of tea but I'm not in the mood for that right now.

We spent the weekend at the beach bundled up. Mario attended a memorial service on Friday and I took the kids to the local library for a warm out of the house excursion. We did enjoy cleaning up our house, quiet date nights at home, and the tourist free island scene. All of that to say that it was an ordinary weekend.

Highlights: lunch with Ann, looking at houses, watching the kids play with their art kits, Goodwill plundering, a bitter cold yard sale, family snuggles in bed, morning coffee made by Mario, writing letters, and eating oatmeal.

I really enjoyed our time together and our insulated family experience. The weekend should be a solid reminder in my mental catalog to just go and to just be more often because it feels good. Eating chocolate feels good too...I should add that to my list of things to do more often too.

i 95

National championship is on the radio.
Mario is driving.
I have been reading with my new book light and the trip is flying by.
Our dinner tiffins are empty.
2 kids are asleep plus one dog in the back.
Wesley is snoring.
Traffic is light.
46 degrees.
I just ate too much caramel corn and my fingers are sticky on mario's blackberry.
I am planning a mama day with the kids tomorrow.
We are at the darien, ga exit.
I wonder if my friend ann can play this weekend.
Gas price at exit 2.75 gallon.
Eta: 10 pm.

ISO: Read Aloud

I'm looking for suggestions for a read aloud book for Clare. You know...one of those snuggle up on the couch, no pictures, read a chapter a day kind of stories that won't freak her out and that she'll understand. If you have an idea, let me know.

Around here...

• the tree is finally down and back in the attic.
• we have tons of bean soup leftovers.
• we are wearing all of our winter gear each morning.
• our skin is dry.
• all of our library books are returned.
• most of our thank you notes are done.
• our refrigerator needs a deep cleaning.
• Mama is planning a movie night.
• running seems to happen on a treadmill each morning.
• mermaid dolls and princesses rule the roost.
• remote control cars wake me up in the morning.
• our thermostat is set at 65 degrees.
• we got a new microwave because the old one caught on fire.
• I plan to replace the locks in our house.
• new bikes need to be relocated outside.
• Bailey got a bath last night.
• I tend to borrow Mario's new slippers.
• Clare is taking lots of pictures.
• leftovers will be served for dinner tonite.
• I need to read The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane by Monday.
• it might snow 1/2 inch (40% chance) on Thursday nite.

Our return.

Routine can be such a nice thing.

Today we powered up and started the school and work thing. We paid tuition, dropped off supplies, and labeled our winter coats. And then I sat in the car and enjoyed the silence.

Coming home on Saturday created a very exciting Sunday. Christmas didn't clean itself up while we were gone and evidence of our rapid December 26th departure was all over the living room. While Mario watched the very last (thank goodness!) Bills game of the season, I started the Christmas detox of our home. The kids loved finding their new play things and declared them new all over again. Mario and I also kind of liked finding our gifts again too.

I'm also hoping that the kids start liking me again. I'm dirt compared to Daddy...but maybe when I'm their only choice they'll hang out with me.

Friday at the beach.

Thursday at the beach.